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Words That Hurt, Words That Heal

The death of a loved one, in my case my daughter, causes all kinds of mental, emotional social, physical and spiritual reactions and responses.

Our mind and possibly other people start telling us things, start using words and phrases that we then take to heart, and believe although they are more often than not LIES!

And even worse they cause extra pain and make the grief of the final separation from our loved one even worse!

My intention here is to help inform and enlighten those who choose to hear what ideas and beliefs may be complicating their grief… Words have power and they create.

Here are a few of the many Myths of Grief:

I am broken.

No, we may feel that way because the change of our loved one from the physical to non -physical form is a very explosive experience for the human mind.

We miss the physical presence and human experience with our love one. A huge adjustment to say the least whether it is expected after a long illness or a sudden death. We cannot heal or adjust on our own!

There is very powerful energy in grief and the healing work of energy modalities is profoundly effective in healing the emotions and maintaining physical health so we can feel “better”.

If we feel better we will lose our connection with our deceased loved one

No. We can never be disconnected from our loved ones! We have an energetic Spiritual connection that is infinite. While the fear based human mind masquerading as “knowing it all” tells us differently, no matter how we feel, no one and no thing can disconnect us from our loved one, ever!

Sooo, knowing that, why not consider what is possible to do to feel better? even happy? It is possible, maybe not always, and not perfectly, but often, by doing the healing work that will direct us there.

We lost them.

No. There is a physical separation, but not ever a separation in Spirit. We actually are more with them than we ever were. 24/7. They are very much alive! They know it, we don’t. Until now.

This also implies that death is “wrong”. Absolutely we hate it, don’t like it, are afraid of it, gives us “the creeps”. All very human. It has been “inbredded” in us.

And it causes us tremendous PAIN. WE are in human form right now so of course we love humanness. All the delicious sensory, three dimensional experiences we get to have…and many that are challenging and may on any day , if you are anything like me , makes me want to say “beam me up Scotty”. In other words, “I’m done. If I died tomorrow it would be ok”. I am sure some of you can relate to feeling that way…

So while we embrace all that physical human life has to offer, we are very aware of the challenges and still prefer to be alive, again natural because all that we can relate to essentially right now is the human form. And anything to the contrary, which would be “death” is not.

So we experience that “contrast” as negative, a “loss”. Get it? We believe that this perfectly natural, normal transition out of physical form that is called death is BAD. A belief which we can choose to change! I know, I know,far from being an easy or enjoyable task!

Always, Never are real.

No. Change is the only CONSTANT IN LIFE. IT IS INEVITABLE. Therefore, always and never are not truths. Yet it is very common for people to say they will never ___ (get over, be happy again etc) Will always (be sad, feel devastated etc)

With all respect to those feelings, we don’t know that! All we have is this moment, we don’t know what will be down the road, years from now…

Unless we choose to believe and choose to feel that we will “never feel better” or will always have a hole in my heart” or some other always or never feeling and belief!

I don’t know about you, but I certainly don’t want to affirm that! And as I just said, you and I have no idea, really, what the future holds anyway! So why waste our mental and emotional energy on believing possible and probable “lies”?

Do you want to just “commiserate” or heal? Expressing all and I mean all of your feelings is absolutely part of the healthy mourning process but be honest.

If you want to move on and actually heal, the beliefs and stories behind the feelings need to be uprooted, released and reframed if you are really committed to healing and coming to a place of peaceful coexistence in your heart and soul and homeostasis (physical calmness) in your body.

If you are wanting this for yourself, send me a message so we can talk and you can have an opportunity to experience what is possible!

To Be Continued…

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