This Thing Called Death: Part 2 Myths of Grief and How to Heal
To unpeel the layers that are at the root of our pain we need to become aware of the many limiting beliefs called Myths of Grief.
Myths of Grief
I am broken.
No, we may feel that way because the change of our loved one from the physical to non -physical form is a very explosive experience for the human mind.
We miss the physical presence and human experience with our love one. A huge adjustment. We cannot heal or adjust on our own! When we do the healing work of energy therapy we can and will feel “better”.
If we feel better we will lose our connection with our deceased loved one
No. We can never be disconnected from our loved ones. We have an energetic Spiritual connection that is infinite. While the fear based human mind masquerading as “knowing it all” tells us differently, no matter how we feel, no one and no thing can disconnect us from our loved one, ever!
Sooo, knowing that, why not consider what is possible to do to feel better? even happy? It is possible, maybe not always, and not perfectly but often, by doing the healing work that will direct us there.
We lost them.
No. There is a physical separation, but not ever a separation in Spirit. We actually are more with them than we ever were. 24/7. They are very much alive. They know it, we don’t. Until now. This also implies that death is “wrong”. Absolutely we hate it, don’t like it, are afraid of it, gives us “the creeps”. All very human. It has been “inbredded” in us.
And it causes us tremendous PAIN. WE are in human form right now so of course we love humanness. All the delicious sensory, three dimensional experiences we get to have…and many that are challenging and may on any day , if you are anything like me , makes me want to say “beam me up Scotty”. In other words, “I’m done. If I died tomorrow it would be ok”. I am sure some of you can relate to feeling that way…
So while we embrace all that life has to offer, we are very aware of the challenges and still prefer to be alive, again natural because all that we can relate to essentially right now is the human form. And anything to the contrary, which would be “death” is not. So we experience that “contrast” as negative, a “loss”. Get it? We believe death is BAD. A belief which we can choose to change!
Always, Never are real.
No. Change is INEVITABLE. Therefore, always and never are not truths. Unless we choose to believe and feel that we will “never feel better” or will always have a hole in my heart” or some other always or never feeling and belief. I don’t know about you, but I certainly don’t want to affirm that. And you and I have no idea, really, what the future holds anyway! So why waste our mental and emotional energy on believing possible and probable “lies”?
Do you want to just “commiserate” or heal? Expressing all and I mean all of your feelings is absolutely part of the healthy mourning process but be honest. If you want to move on and actually heal, the beliefs and stories behind the feelings need to be uprooted, released and reframed if you are really committed to healing and coming to a place of peaceful coexistence in your heart and soul and homeostasis (physical calmness) in your body.
Grief and Mourning are Synonymous
No. Grief is the natural internal response of your body, central nervous system, mind and emotions to a change in your life. Big or small. Death of a loved one or retirement from a job. Either can cause a grief response
Mourning is the way to heal and release the grief and come to a place of peaceful coexistence and homeostasis in your body, emotions and central nervous system, function better and experience joy and peace.
No. Healing by “doing the work”, specific, intention based, mourning, step by step peeling away of all that is at the root of grief is what heals. That does take time but time by itself does not heal.
Suffering is what keeps us connected.
No. This is very much like number 2 but is worth repeating because it is a HUGE limiting belief causing unnecessary suffering. We are always connected with our loved ones no matter what. Suffering is not the key and our loved ones in Spirit certainly do not want us to feel this way. They see the waste of energy and life and know that “suffering to stay connected” is a fear based belief. The Issue is Do YOU? Do YOU want to suffer or feel better? Do you deserve to? Do you feel it is “appropriate” to?
It is ok that you do not know how to! I WILL show you the way, if you choose…
"What IS" To Consider as True
Defending our limitations”, holding on to our limiting beliefs are what complicate grief and cause excessive suffering.
What is “Defending One’s Limitations” ?
The opposite of Surrender
Staying Stuck by Resisting what is “possible”
Making excuses which keep us stuck
What does that look like?
“Maybe that works for you, but I’m different”.
“Did you lose a ___ (child, husband, etc)"
Any anger and resentment that you feel about this article and its author
Criticizing and “poo pooing” possibilities
Negative vocabulary- never, always, can’t, that’s impossible, I don’t believe…
Anything we think or feel or believe that keeps us immobilized and in pain!
It has been proven in society,that we can and do get pretty much anything that we really put our mind to.
I cannot reiterate enough, that I AM NOT MAKING YOU WRONG, OR CRITICIZING WHERE YOU ARE RIGHT NOW!
This is about CHOICE AND OPENNESS TO the POSSIBILlTY OF FEELING AND GETTING BETTER!
What “complicates” grief is :
Resistance to releasing and changing limiting beliefs
Inability/resistance to expressing feelings and emotions
Poor “professional” support. You know in your gut if you have experienced this!
“Stockpiled” grief due to life traumas that have not been expressed and dealt with.
Let me be clear, I am NOT underestimating that people struggle greatly but much of this can be released.
One needs to be open to doing “the active mourning , doing the work” and that includes stopping the “defense of one’s limitations”.
What Heals Grief from being”Complicated” and “immobilizing”?
We can heal when we:
Set the intention to change our mindset and heal our emotions
Do the work necessary. (N.B. The healing process is a lot easier than the suffering!)
Being completely honest about our feelings and thoughts and beliefs
Personally honoring all of them without our judgment and criticism
Fully Expressing all our emotions and beliefs
Having a safe environment to share our personal stories, be authentic
Be heard and honored without criticism or judgment
Coming to an understanding that:
We all as human beings give meaning to everything—including death, grief etc.
That our thoughts and beliefs and unresolved issues in life are the foundation of our complicated grief
Grief can be lessened and healed to a great extent so we can experience happiness and joy in life, live more productively and meaningfully.
Yes, we are all unique and there are healing therapies that are proven effective.
How Do We Heal?
Again, the Intention TO Heal, changing our words and beliefs and healing our feelings and beliefs and stockpiled grief from life by using tried and true Energy Health modalities including Emotional Freedom Technique also known as Tapping and EFT.
It is a profoundly effective tool, very user friendly and self- empowering. I know this from experience. I have created the program that I wish was available to me three years ago. It is here for you now.
Whether you have experienced the death of a child, or a spouse or a parent, sister or friend. I am sorry and I know that you can feel better and do better. I am here to show you the way. Abundant Blessings to you on this journey called Life.
If you are interested, please check out the one on one personal Grief To Joy coaching with Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT Tapping) on my website. If you have any questions feel free to contact me at firstname.lastname@example.org or call 856 220 6403.